In the journey of life, we often find ourselves at crossroads, facing decisions that can shape our future. The pursuit of happiness is a natural inclination, but is it always the right compass to guide us?
I wrote about the topic of decision-making a couple of months back and after stumbling upon a fresh approach, I wanted to raise it again.
Thanks to Oliver Burkeman for putting me onto this via his appearance on the superb Modern Wisdom podcast.
Inspired by renowned Jungian therapist James Hollis, Instead of chasing happiness, he suggests an alternative approach: when faced with life choices, ask yourself, "Will this choice enlarge me or diminish me?".
This profound insight challenges us to prioritize personal growth over immediate happiness. By embracing the concept of enlargement, we can embark on a path that leads to lasting fulfilment instead of quick hits of pleasure.
The Illusion of Predicting Happiness
As human beings, we tend to be poor predictors of our happiness. Our judgments are typically clouded by our desire for security and control, often overshadowing our genuine aspirations. When we base our decisions solely on pursuing happiness, we risk falling into the trap of short-term gratification, which hinders our personal growth. Instead, Hollis encourages us to look beyond fleeting happiness and dive deeper into our intuitive responses.
The Power of Enlargement
The fundamental question of enlargement prompts us to consider the impact of our choices on our personal growth. Following our gut feeling can help us make important decisions contributing to our personal growth and development. This includes staying in a job or relationship, but only so long as it matches our values and goals.
It invites us to reflect on whether we are staying within our comfort zones, cheating ourselves of the opportunity to evolve and flourish. By prioritizing growth over happiness, we open ourselves up to new possibilities, stretching our boundaries and give ourselves a greater opportunity to embrace the unknown.
Embracing Irreversible Decisions
Fear of burning bridges often paralyzes us, preventing us from making irreversible decisions. However, Hollis argues that irreversible choices often bring greater satisfaction.
Committing to a path without turning back eliminates the distractions and doubts that arise from keeping alternative options open. And by embracing irreversible decisions, we channel our energy towards moving forward, fully committed to our choice. This unwavering commitment propels us further toward self-discovery.
In the last few weeks, an exciting chance to relocate to London and live with a close friend has materialized for me. After pondering my options, I decided to go for it. I'll be moving to a new area, surrounded by a friend group with similar values and back into a city full of exciting personal and professional opportunities.
I felt clarity and a surge of forward momentum by simply making this decision. I've since been considering the changes I need to make to make this new chapter in my life a success, and I'm excited about where my subconscious is taking me already. Ultimately, my decision is driven by my values. Whilst I still admit I was umming and ahing about taking the plunge, I’ve found peace in knowing that I’m making the best decision at this moment in time with all the information I have available.
While our decisions might be irreversible in the short term, that’s rarely the case as we extend our time horizon. For the most part, we can pivot at a later stage if it feels necessary.
Final Word
In a world fixated on instant gratification and external validation, anchoring our decisions with enlargement over happiness offers a refreshing perspective. From shifting focus away from fleeting happiness to pursuing personal growth, we embark on a journey toward sustainable fulfilment.
That’s a pretty good upside from a simple change in question, if you ask me.
Short and sweet this week.
Good luck with your enlarging decisions,
Jack
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