From Pain to Paper: How Writing Can Become Your Processing Superpower
Pick up your pen, grab a brew and spill your thoughts
“So believe me when I say that time can heal almost any wound. And ease most pain, yet the scars remain until the day we lay entombed.”
–– From ‘It Gets Better (with time)’ by The Internet.
We’re used to being told that the only thing that can heal us is the passing of time.
I’m not here to tell you any different.
But let me explain why tapping your watch face during your most difficult moments isn’t the best use of it either.
Pain isn’t like turning off a tap, it doesn’t just disappear. It’s active, not passive.
Yet there’s something I’ve found that exists in all of us which can help make it more manageable: Writing.
Writing is a powerful tool for processing our emotions and finding our way back onto our feet.
It’s helped me immeasurably over the past few months and I’m confident it can help you too.
In fact, it can become your processing superpower if you let it.
Approx reading time: 6 minutes
The Catalyst For Writing In My Life
I split up with my partner at the end of 2022.
She was my first love. Somebody whom I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with.
We had big plans and big ambitions. Ambitions that led us to embark on a year-long trip to travel and teach in Southeast Asia.
But tensions built between us when we were away. It was obvious we were spinning too many plates. And those that we dropped resulted in a relationship too fragmented to glue back together again.
Whilst that could have created an unbearable environment, I’m proud of us for always being gracious and respectful of one another. Even in our most trying of moments.
You see, it wasn’t just a snap decision. It had been bubbling for a while.
Despite our efforts, it became clear that the kindest thing we could do in the pressure cooker we found ourselves in was to admit defeat.
It was a stark lesson in how love alone can only prevail so much through hard times. Especially under challenging circumstances and in a foreign environment.
And so, with our decision to split, came a whirlwind of emotions. There was immediate relief. Followed by confusion. Followed by regret. Then followed by unquantifiable sadness.
My ex-partner is an incredible woman. She’s somebody I will hold dear for the rest of my life.
I learned so much from her and our time spent together. She taught me how to love and has undoubtedly made me a better man than I was before we met. I can’t pay her any higher compliment than that. I will forever wish her well.
As the saying goes, “Sometimes you make the right decision and sometimes you make the decision right”.
Whilst the latter has been a complicated idea to make peace with given how much she meant to me, it was the decision I had to stand by.
Then, I found myself alone.
6,000 miles away from home and without a sense of purpose or direction.
All I had was an overflowing backpack full of clothes I wish I hadn’t packed, a notepad, a pen and a laptop.
Then, amongst the old scraggly t-shirts, I stumbled upon this new relationship. One that had no external influence.
One that involved just my thoughts and my words. My writing.
What Is It About Writing?
Writing can come in many forms. Be that journalling, blogging, or even a daily to-do list.
I started with unconscious journaling. I would dedicate a single B5 page per day to scribble down whatever thoughts came into my brain.
It took away the pressure to write anything of real substance.
It was cathartic.
I was writing to myself, for myself. Nobody else.
It’s important to note that I’d never been a writer or someone that had written in a journal before. I’d never written anything until 5 months ago. Other than the odd assignment at work or during my school days. With their defined structure and parameters that sucked any of the fun out of the process.
But this felt different.
And so journalling became my processing tool. It allowed me to sit in the discomfort of this topsy-turvy situation I found myself in the middle of.
It helped me process the emotions I found whirring around my brain. Sometimes which felt like a washing machine on a 60°c intensive cycle.
Writing was lifting the weight of my sadness. Like it was chipping away at the darkness, getting me ready to punch through and reclaim the light again.
Solitude can often feel uncomfortable for people. On reflection, I was one of them.
Yet, I never felt alone when I sat down with my cup of coffee, my notepad and my pen.
Before long, streams of consciousness were on the page before me. And for the first time, I could read back through it, take stock and begin to join the dots.
A Shock To The System
If you’ve got an interest in health and wellness, you’ll likely have seen cold water exposure having a bit of a moment.
Everyone seems to be talking about its benefits. Be that reducing muscle soreness and inflammation or boosting your immune system.
Whilst the two benefits listed above aren’t immediately tangible, there’s nothing like cold water to give you one hell of a wake-up.
I’ve found writing to draw parallels. Albeit without the hyperventilation and the mad dash to find a fluffy pair of socks afterwards.
As with cold-water exposure, the underlying benefits might not always be instantaneous. But trust me that you’ll gain a real sense of presence and being from getting some thoughts down. Just like when that jet first runs down your back.
I’ve just surpassed the ‘100-days-in-a-row’ milestone and found it to also compound over time.
It’s just you and your thoughts. There’s nothing more grounding than that.
It’s rare nowadays, in our uber-busy and comfortable world, that we intentionally seek out discomfort.
Cold water will take you there. After all, there’s nothing like a cold shower to put you back in touch with who’s boss.
Writing about your pain is similar. You’ll be tackling subjects that are awkward and uncomfortable.
Like turning the shower dial to ice cold, I didn’t always feel like grabbing my pen and spilling heavy thoughts onto the page.
But I’m learning that discomfort is good. Because we can’t outrun our problems. It’s an impossible pursuit.
And yet, writing confronts them head-on. You’re even getting a progress report to boot.
My journal entries go from gloomy and anxious to progressively more peaceful and hopeful.
Sadness still rears its head now and again. After all, a breakup comes with a grieving process, much like the passing of a loved one.
It’s anything but linear.
And whilst I cannot control when its waves crash against the shoreline. I’m learning to reach for my surfboard and ride them thanks to my daily writing practice.
Just like I’ve never regretted an endorphin-inducing workout, I’ve never regretted sitting down with my thoughts and brain-dumping them onto a page.
There are times when I’ve had to find more discipline. But ultimately, I’ve always come away from a session, big or small, and felt a sense of serenity.
I haven’t found that through many other practices in my life.
Pain, Uncertainty & Constant Work
I watched the Netflix documentary ‘Stutz’ on the plane journey back to the UK following my breakup.
In case you haven’t seen it, it touches on Jonah Hill’s raw and vulnerable mental health journey with his therapist, Phil Stutz. The pair talk about ‘The Tools’ that have helped pull Jonah out of some of his most adverse moments.
It came at the perfect time for me.
A standout moment is when Stutz states the three aspects of reality that are unavoidable.
These are pain, uncertainty, and constant work.
The first two sit outside of our control. We have no other choice than to accept them.
The third element, however, is what really caught my attention–the notion of constant work.
If this sends a shudder down your spine, I felt it too. But I’m not talking about that report you told your boss you’d have ready for tomorrow.
Instead through writing, I’ve come to appreciate that constant work doesn’t have to be something we dread.
It’s about making the constant work in your life a pleasurable experience.
It’s not all rainbows and butterflies by any means. You’ll be uncovering some pretty heavy sh*t.
But the more you embrace the constant work of getting to know yourself, the lighter the load becomes.
It’s here where you might just find the much-needed relief when you feel like you’re struggling underneath the weight of the world.
You might even learn to love the process as I have.
So, my friends. Pick up your pen, brew your favourite hot beverage and put some time aside to write.
Because ‘Not all heroes wear capes’.
If my experience is anything to go by, yours might just have been in your backpack the entire time.
Until next week,
Jack